As we wander, we wonder
‘Be true to yourself’ and ‘stay true to who you are’ are platitudes of social media’s self-appointed sages and celebrity role models. But for those who derive from a culture where speaking plainly has been stifled, there comes a point where you are no longer sure of what is your truth and authenticity. It has […]
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We are well versed on the multiple stages of grief when we lose someone through whatever way- heartbreak or death or mental illness. But a rather strange new world opens up at the loss of something that you never had – perhaps an unrequited love who married someone else, a missed opportunity at a job […]
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Around this time last year, I anticipated taking time off work in 2024 and the existential crisis that could follow as a result of being untethered to an occupation (reflected on here). Today, almost eight months into the yawning abyss of unemployment, my resolution to stay in this new chapter still remains. I was searching […]
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We are always chasing tomorrow, re-considering the past. Pending our satisfaction on a moment in the future, when we finally get to a place, or position, or be with a person we believe could somehow elevate us. Wondering of steps taken in the past, worrying about our condition in the years to come. My present […]
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As we move our way deeper and longer into this world, we start to see a pattern of what remains and what is released from our lives. I have always attached merit to longevity – it is often easier to (prematurely) verbally declare eternal friendship, love and spiritual belief, but in fact only time can […]
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When we consider the atrocities committed around the world, and when our job thrusts us in examining the face of persecution, honouring our own personal struggles can become a complicated process. There is an unshakeable guilt in absorbing our individual pain and losses, compounded sometimes between the righteous sermons of comrades who either deride the […]
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Recently a stray cat we semi adopted fell sick and one of the signs of which we detected this was by his behavioural change- he hid away from us and avoided meals despite being usually very sociable and affectionate. I read more about this feline response to illness, and learnt that it is about hiding […]
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There are multiple aftermaths to our human condition once we have committed ourselves to a bond of love. This can include the anxiety at the potential of loss, and the grief of loss. As I get older I realise that so much that affects my life quality relates to love- of managing the fear of […]
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Managing the parameters between our individual selves, and the space we let others inhabit in our lives is a recurring theme of friction for many of us. Whether parent and child, intimate partnerships, close friendships, professional relationships – a quandary that often crops up relates to whether our boundary has been compromised and how do […]
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In principle, I judge myself for judging. To judge was to be holier than though, to stay in righteous rage, to think we are somehow protected from flaw in the ivory tower of unicorn goodness. But since the genocide began in the last quarter of the past year, I could not help but judge those […]
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The human affliction which is to always desire for something more and for something other varies in degrees for each person. I used to both battle against it as a symptom of ingratitude but also recognise it as a fire for exceptionalism. In this month of peace and submission, I wonder if perhaps it is […]
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I’ve had to take a pause from writing because the intensity of the genocide taking place in the middle east is leaving many of us speechless. For all observers around the world, for those in the humanitarian world, for human rights lawyers and activists, and for those living within a few 100 kilometers from the […]
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It’s been two and a half months away from home and I recently noticed that I am intentionally protecting these emotional waves of nostalgia and not suppressing such futile feelings as I would usually do. Turning over thoughts of my favourite people and places, re-enacting visuals of my parents home, the kitchen, abundant meals at […]
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Every time a discussion of taking an indefinite work sabbatical comes up in different social settings I am reminded that society values the doing and the having more than merely just the being . Some look absolutely flabbergasted ‘but what are you going to do with all your time’, or cynical disbelief ‘sure, sure, see […]
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The beginning or the end of a love story is perhaps the two phases where our adrenalin is the most fully charged – where we are sensitive to being either most alive or most in decline, and inspiration for art is at its most prolific. What happens to that phase where nothing really happens? When […]
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Off late, I’ve come to realise how important blogging has been to my own internal evolution. Ultimately, I’ve used the blog partially to live a more examined life – to inspect deeper into a current state of mind, meditate on the blockages and choose more mindful patterns of behaviour. There were recurring themes of sentiments […]
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Perhaps it is the struggle to fully embody gratitude that always leaves me with mixed feelings about most of my life choices. That and just eternal indecision. After a year or two of returning back home, I developed the indefatigable itch to relocate. I yearned to go back to the Middle East – a region […]
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It took me quite late in life to understand that the psychology behind the perfectionist was often motivated by low self-esteem. The idea that without having accomplished something admirable, then one didn’t have much value. The shame and self-hate that accompanies not being perfect was crippling and unnatural. This was a recent epiphany I’ve been […]
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Lately, I find that there is a different quality of thoughts in my travels. In my youth, I traveled to seek for a new life, metaphorically and sometimes literally. I was seeking to find a space I could see and know myself, a place for a future self. Every city was attractive in its own […]
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It’s said that desire is half of life, and indifference is half of death. These days, I’ve been swimming in the shores of death. As the year draws to a close, I review all that has been in the past 11 months and I’m surprised by the richness of its activity, yet its poverty in […]
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I fancied myself a pretty competent independent traveller but things became shamefully co-dependent once I got married. In a recent long flight on my own where he wouldn’t be waiting at the airport, I was a ball of nerves. What if I got lost at immigration, what if I didn’t find my bag, what if […]
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I stumbled into the yawning jaws of mild depression in the last quarter of the past year. It was mild because deep inside I had some confidence that I would eventually come out of the tunnel. That eventually, the compulsion to wallow in terrible melancholia will slowly start to ebb away. In its replacement, a […]
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Questioning the merits of living life in a value-bubble has been with me for awhile, even pre-Covid. Essentially, as we get older and accumulate a better sense of our identity, likes and dislikes, we start to remove people and circumstances which don’t fit with our life values. There is a logic and usefulness to this, […]
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The blog has been shuffled into the background as life got in the way, and inspiration ran dry. As KL shifted into yet another semi-lockdown, new daily patterns emerged and reflecting on the interior self became harder. I decided that I would only write if a musing pursued me, instead of me pursuing musings. And […]
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Different themes of retaliation often whirl through my thoughts. It is the one feature of human behaviour that has debilitated our growth as an individual, a community, a nation and geo-politically. There are countless examples of how cycles of retaliations eventually demolishes us into human rubble – World War II, the Yugoslavian conflict, Rwandan genocide, […]
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It seems to be the grand desire carved into so many of us – that if you haven’t ‘arrived’ you haven’t then ‘fully existed’. People tend to be enraptured by those they believe have earned a social standing, have won some recognition and public status for their visible achievements. In whatever social tribe, a hierarchy […]
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For some, so much of life has been about the deifying of another. Whether it’s parental deference, or how we elevate our life partner. It is inevitable that as life adds day to day, and we move through it all in close intimacy with our loved ones, realities emerge. I heard a saying once about […]
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Looking for The Higher Self 