Reflections on the Wondering Wanderer

Lately, I find that there is a different quality of thoughts in my travels. In my youth, I traveled to seek for a new life, metaphorically and sometimes literally. I was seeking to find a space I could see and know myself, a place for a future self. Every city was attractive in its own way, I have never left a country without wondering if I could one day live there more permanently so my life could finally begin. I feel now, as I get older and so much of my life has already been lived, the vibe of traveling is less about soaking my soul in the possibilities of what my life could one day look like. Instead, I find myself wondering of my younger self – what would she have made of this place and what could have been her life if she had once lived here? I felt that strongly in my last visit to a city that deeply moved me, and I had not been deeply moved by a new place since I left my fullest life in Turkey 10 years ago. That kind of heart in mouth, widened eyes, adrenalin thumping moved.

This happened in my short week in Tunis last summer. I cannot find the vocabulary to express my romantic attraction for the city. One thing was certain to me – if I opened this door when I was younger, I would never have left such an enchanting dream. The city seemed bloated with melancholia and broken grandeur. In her ruins lay memories of ambition, and in her people were a clean humility. Tunis unlocked a memory of me that could have become, had I met and loved her in my days of innocence.

As I took off from Carthage Airport, I wondered about a life full of wandering. Although I have been hovering in that lacuna of traveler and native for more than 20 years, I knew that soon, these boots would no longer be made for walking. It was time to admit that to live for the present, I needed to commit to my base. The days of traveling to discover a future, or question the past, will eventually subside. And I will have to fall in love with the here and now.

10 thoughts on “Reflections on the Wondering Wanderer

  1. A very thoughtful essay. We do change, sometimes subtly, as we get older. At my age (I’m quite old) I don’t think I could move permanently to a new place. And if I did, it would have to be an English-speaking place. There’s no way I could deal with learning a new language.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Neil.. I kind of know what you mean about some resistance to a new place at this age… I am likely to move again by the summer to the middle east and while exciting I feel a different phase is now upon me… as you say it’s the subtle change of getting older… ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh lovely thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your interesting experience 😍😍😍 I think I am heading in the same direction mentally which is to soon stay grounded in my current base! Wishing you many years of beautiful memories in Morbihan 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

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