Reflections on Self Preservation

I stumbled into the yawning jaws of mild depression in the last quarter of the past year. It was mild because deep inside I had some confidence that I would eventually come out of the tunnel. That eventually, the compulsion to wallow in terrible melancholia will slowly start to ebb away. In its replacement, a will to survive and persevere takes over. It would seem that this is the general structure of the human condition, after all – to prevail at all cost. Nothing inspires us better than the notion that a phoenix awakening could be our reality. It’s what we live for, isn’t it? The reconstruction that succeeds the destruction. Getting older, another layer of realisation seeps in. Throughout the reconstruction, we harness a sense of pure submission. Whatever it is that we are experiencing, we were meant to be in that journey. Take solace in knowing that each day is a combination of destiny and self-design. That destiny may not look like what we wanted, but the efforts at self-design can be the very best of what we can be.  

Well emerge out of the tunnel I now have and the new landscape is still a little foreign. The things that I wanted, I still cannot have and quite likely will never have. Has the reckoning of this fate devastated me yet, or is that moment yet to arrive? Am I where I am meant to be right now, in this unknown territory between want and need? Has the reconstruction even begun, or is the fact that I am still standing proof of its beginnings? It’s still uncertain, and life is always better understood in hindsight. All that is clear for now, is that the dull thud of inertia that made everything move in glacial speed has now dissipated. Through delicious meals with loved ones, long walks with self-help podcasts, prayer, music and most of all the time to forgive one’s self, the instinct to persevere has won this battle.

As of now, that is.

12 thoughts on “Reflections on Self Preservation

  1. Hello my lovely friend!! How are you? You’ve written this wonderfully well my dear!! I especially loved your lines “Whatever it is that we are experiencing, we were meant to be in that journey. Take solace in knowing that each day is a combination of destiny and self-design. That destiny may not look like what we wanted, but the efforts at self-design can be the very best of what we can be. ” Such powerful words my dearest, that ring with truth and grace. I am glad to hear you are feeling better. Man these years have truly been a storm de merde at times hey, excuse my French 😉 Sending you tons of love and warm hugs! Your favorite soul-remedies are my favorite ones, too 🙂 (Music, prayer, good meals…) Much love dearest!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My dearest… it’s been too long… I hope you’re doing well dear. As always, it is such a pleasure to hear your reflections – you are too right that these years have been a storm de merde indeed. I feel however, as the past months evolve, we are heading to the other side of the rainbow. At least for awhile. But I guess ‘awhile’ is all that we are searching for sometimes. Huge hugs and love always.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hello wonderful soul, yes its been too long, but I am SO delighted and happy to hear from you!!! Can I hope for a new blogpost from you anytime soon? I share your sentiments, which you have put so wonderfully here – that we are heading to the other side of the rainbow and especially, that “a ahile” is all that we are searching for sometimes. Indeed, the ebb and flow of life! Massive hugs and much much love to you PS I have a new Whatsapp number, if u like, I will email it to you! My old phone somehow didn’t update the Whatsapp new version thing. Technology – at times a blessing, at times… not 😛 Love love love!!

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      2. My dear please send me your new whatsapp number, would love to know how you are and where you are these days… I feel blessed that no matter my ongoing hide and seek game here on the blog, you are just so consistently effusive in your warm embrace! Hoe things are also taking and upward turn for you as all the lessons of the past couple of years start to take shape for our present selves… thank you for holding a space for me here, and looking forward to updating myself on all your latest entries… big huge hugs…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hi my gorgeous, how are you? YES I will email you shortly!! I am likewise so keen on an update as to what’s new in your world and how you are going etc! My pleasure to seek you out haha – I only play that game with beings I hold very dear 🙂 Its truly wonderful to be in touch again and it’s a blessing to call you my friend and likeminded soul! ❤️ Big warm hugs my dear!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful writing of thoughts and also inspirational to read as we hit the summer solstice. I especially like how you cover the feelings many of us are feeling, especially over the past 2-3 years of uncertainty… with more uncertainty ahead… but the idea you say with the line: “The reconstruction that succeeds the destruction” is beautiful, and is the spirit I hope to embrace through the rest of this year. Take care and look forward to reading more from you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is so touching to read this, thank you so much for taking to read and share your reflections… indeed it has been such heavy years for many of us and every day is full of hope beauty and fears- life basically 🥰 I hope you are well too, I really look forward for all your beautifully poetic photos and sensitive eloquence.. wishing you a wonderful end of the week..

      Like

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