Around this time last year, I anticipated taking time off work in 2024 and the existential crisis that could follow as a result of being untethered to an occupation (reflected on here). Today, almost eight months into the yawning abyss of unemployment, my resolution to stay in this new chapter still remains. I was searching to rediscover my dignity, respectability and safety in just being human, and not in the social validation of having a coveted job, and the discovery has been a somewhat peaceful process.

By and large, I am still somewhat relieved I made this decision for myself and my growth. No doubt, I move through occasional pockets of anxiety, regret and fear that I had signed myself out of the desirable job market permanently. And yet through these infrequent dips in the deep water of disruptive thoughts, I keep finding a rope of calm to cling on to – there is an inexplicable intuition that continuing the way I was previously simply was not a reflection of where and what I truly wanted to be.

In this path of trying to embed ourself with who we are and what we stand for, we sometimes need to release our crutches and be unsafe. Perhaps this current status quo of tranquil is impermanent and I will eventually liquefy into a hysterical amoeba of nerves by the summer of 2025. But at this current moment, I can finally feel the blood returning into my arteries. My capacity to love and cherish my deeply beloveds is elevated, my instinct to use my negative traits as opportunities for evolution is sharpened and I feel that I have become more truthful about my emotional needs. I harness the rich relationships of those who value me, and leave behind relationships that do not engage in a mutual transaction of enrichment. And while it has been a year of personal losses and disappointments, I have been able to process these setbacks with a certain level of gentleness within myself.

Whatever the future holds, it is a relief to know that at this point in life, I stood to trust the process of destiny without having the prestige of a profession to cover me. It’s just me, a human being, and that is good enough today.