Recently a stray cat we semi adopted fell sick and one of the signs of which we detected this was by his behavioural change- he hid away from us and avoided meals despite being usually very sociable and affectionate. I read more about this feline response to illness, and learnt that it is about hiding from predators who target the weak as they heal themselves in solitude.

In many ways it mirrors so much of the human instinct to withdraw from others when suffering some private pain to ride the waves of turmoil alone and without interruption. The predators may not so much be vicious enemies but are quite often some well-meaning yet unknowing or insensitive loved ones who could unintentionally cut the wound deeper with a random comment or action.

In 2024, there has certainly been a retreat from my usually more expansive approach in engaging with my social repertoire. It is a year to slim down external stimulants – partly a healthy process of detoxifying from energies which corrodes, and from those whose values have shifted. There were personal losses and complications which triggered this eliminating spree but it was also the genocide taking place in Gaza which unravelled so much truth of what and who was taking up unnecessary space in my life. If 2023 was a year of incredible hope, precipitating on dreams of the impossible, and of spending much time with people people people, 2024 has been about being humbled back to earth, of recognising all our human limitations and asking only myself and no one else what am I looking for in this life.

Just like our vulnerable stray cat, who eventually made a robust recovery after emerging from his rusticating days, it feels like this time-out is a make or break moment. Will I return revived or diminished? As I hid in a little sleepy island off the Andaman coast, fresh lacerations in my womb, the fatigue of individual and collective disappointment on my skin, and the battle to resuscitate gratitude slipping from my fingers – every morning was a question mark of placid hope that I can yet again, overcome my lowest instincts to build a better me.