In principle, I judge myself for judging. To judge was to be holier than though, to stay in righteous rage, to think we are somehow protected from flaw in the ivory tower of unicorn goodness. But since the genocide began in the last quarter of the past year, I could not help but judge those in the humanitarian industry who have not stood up for what we are mandated to do.

In the visceral climate of genocide, there are two types of people – those who speak up against it and those who legitimise it either through outright support or through their silence. It has been a struggle to stay in close ties with friends who have tried to protect themselves with apathetic silence. There is an irreconcilable duality of claiming to work for humanity while simultaneously refraining from engaging in important conversations or actions about this genocide under the flag of self-shame or neutrality or because it hurts them too much, or that they are currently too ‘happy’ in their own lives to want to bother with this issue.

Is it judgment, or is it loss of respect or are these two concepts inevitably interlinked? Is judgment thinking yourself better and is loss of respect simply that – to no longer hold someone you once held high as a person of integrity and merit in the same esteem?

In life, and as we get older we appreciate how to live and let live. Still there is a difference between people merely having different lifestyle choices, and people having such little regard for values their salary is based on. Lately I am confronted with the notion that people, no matter how much you thought you knew and loved them, can reveal their true orientation in ways that surprise and disappoint you. Sometimes we have to use our judgment to help us spiritually evolve- this includes withdrawing from company that no longer aligns with our life path, so that we can heal and nurture our personal trajectories. Maybe the lesson is to discern between the fine line of respecting our judgment as to what works for us, and rising above our judgmentalness.