Managing the parameters between our individual selves, and the space we let others inhabit in our lives is a recurring theme of friction for many of us. Whether parent and child, intimate partnerships, close friendships, professional relationships – a quandary that often crops up relates to whether our boundary has been compromised and how do we reclaim that space back? As with almost every learning curve in life, so much is tied to our self-worth and strength to articulate our position. There are many who move their way in this world with an almost in-built block of boundary-sensors. An apparatus that emits an alarm bell the minute they sense that their safety is being encroached upon and they are quick to take action – whether it is to distance themselves from the connection and in some pertinent situations to speak truth to the offending party. Whatever happens to the relationship after suitable steps were taken for our own self-respect is really no longer within our control – our duty is only to behave in a way that corresponds with our values. Others however, are not so naturally gifted.

For me, it has taken years to get to a place where there is comfort in identifying a misconduct, perceived or otherwise, and to react to it appropriately. Often vacillating between one extreme or another (completely ghosting the perpetrator without explanation, often as a result of being so permissive for too long that ghosting was the only way to exit the cycle of negativity) the evolution has been about learning to recognise my discomfort, taking action sooner, and to do so with honesty, compassion and self-awareness. I have a string of lost relationships in my life history because of this behavioural handicap, especially in my youth, and while I don’t regret removing certain people from my life, it could certainly have been done with more dignity.

Still with time, we keep accumulating the right tools of intuition of who we would ultimately even allow so closely into our private spaces, of acknowledging when someone has breached an unwritten territory, and of being comfortable with exercising our right to protect ourselves and our resources in a manner that is respectful to all involved.