Questioning the merits of living life in a value-bubble has been with me for awhile, even pre-Covid. Essentially, as we get older and accumulate a better sense of our identity, likes and dislikes, we start to remove people and circumstances which don’t fit with our life values. There is a logic and usefulness to this, of course. Life is short and we don’t want to waste time. It doesn’t make sense to engage with situations that don’t align with what we have decided to be beneficial to our evolution. But the counter question is how do we expect to evolve if we surround ourselves with only mirrored templates of ourselves? As a friend once analogised – you never really know if you are a recovered alcoholic if you don’t put yourself in an environment with alcohol and somehow still choose to overcome it.
Such contemplations were recently rejigged when listening to this podcast. It was a discussion about how we often ‘logic bully’ ourselves to stay in our safe certainties and somewhat binary universe – https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/gwyneth-paltrow-x-adam-grant-think-again/id1352546554?i=1000512206277
I operate substantially emotively, before I do intellectually. And emotionally, most of my life has been about gravitating towards feeling good. I like to be enriched, inspired, and motivated. There is a beauty in the symbiotic relationship when pilates-loving, spiritual-healing, world-traveling, humanitarian-addict and tree-hugging aspirants join forces together in our discourse and activity of similar ilk. It’s like being on an endless detox spa with green juice and quinoa salads as we inspire each other to keep growing in inner peace and self-acceptance, clear on our collective position on faith, BLM, racism, xenophobia, and US foreign policy in the Middle East. But it’s a somewhat solitary form of growth, isn’t it?
Compare this mutual back-patting orgy of enlightenment to one where someone challenges us out of our value-bubble, and we need to reflect, share our perspective in the spirit of learning and not picking a side, and try to both enrol the other while being enrolled ourselves. What type of effect does the latter have in our growth? I think it helps with our humility, our dexterity in conveying our truth without diminishing someone else from their journey of growth, accepting that our identity is not inextricably tied in with our opinions, and respecting people for being human, not for their opinions. It’s possible to have a strong position on what racism looks like, and accept that some may not share the exact same nuanced view as ours. It doesn’t mean we need to eliminate their worth as a person, it just means that people on diverging paths as ours, can still contribute to our development, if nothing else than to help us be even more comfortable with why we have taken the stand we have. But it’s a growth that involves internal disruption, self examination and empathy for others, and not one which is based entirely on dying on the hill of being right.
Having said all this, I’m still at the infancy of this new chapter. It takes more effort and is certainly a lot less pleasurable than hanging out with hardcore les bobos in a yoga retreat for sure, but maybe it’s time to move on and seek higher pastures of self-knowledge and inner confidence.
Looking for The Higher Self 
Awesome post! And I so agree! Life IS too short and it gets shorter the older we get. So, we have to put away all things that are a waste of valuable time and don’t serve us well.
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Thank you so much for dropping by, sharing your thoughts and of course couldnt agree more 💕
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My pleasure! 😃
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Greetings from Paris. I don’t wholly agree with Cherie White’s comment.
“So, we have to put away all things that are a waste of valuable time and don’t serve us well.”
Meeting all kinds of different people – different ages, different nationalities, different cultures, etc. – isn’t what I’d call a waste of valuable time. Au contraire. I learn a lot of things. And the last thing I want to be while I’m alive is self-serving. Looking out for ourselves and guarding our boundaries, sure, but serving others is important too.
Until you’ve walked a mile in another person’s shoes, you cannot know what’s it’s like to live in someone else’s reality.
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Hi Juliet. I had a bit of a technological mishap and couldn’t activate some parts of my blog such as the comments section etc for ages, so sorry for this late reply! I really think you hit the nail about how exposing ourselves to those different to us (sometimes in ways we don’t necessarily agree with) is so enriching for our growth but the balance is as you say about keeping boundaries. I went through a phase of wanting to just dismiss everyone that didn’t align with me on everything but am now moving on to a phase where I am more inclusive of different thought processes (have to given the polarity of my country these days) and very much want to learn from it while staying connected to and not compromising with my true ideals. Thanks so much for dropping by. Looking forward to updating myself on your latest entries!
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Hello lovely, what a great post, and so so well written! I had to chuckle when reading “symbiotic relationship when pilates-loving, spiritual-healing, world-traveling, humanitarian-addict and tree-hugging aspirants”. I could definitely relate to that 😁 I guess for me, a mix of challenging oneself and also respecting our needs and desires to connect with like-minded people sounds like a good fit… I’ve just started reading a little book called “How to hug a porcupine” – it’s about how to love people who challenge us or who we would define as maybe challenging personalities. Just came to mind when I read your elaborate and thought-provoking post! I hope you have been well! Sending love and hugs your way💓💓💓 (in a true tree-hugging-aspirant-way😁 )
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Ahhh… Maria Helena.. I have missed you and our world. I will write to you soon, things have been so hectic lately plus my issues with having access to some parts of my blog off late. Anyway as always your feedback is always so deeply in sync with me! How to hug a porcupine sounds like exactly the type of book I need to read to help through my current state of mind (being at peace with those whose views on certain life’s themes I fundamentally disagree with), let me know your final review once you’re done! And a huge tree hugging pilates loving embrace right back at you! Looking forward to updating myself on your posts soon!
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Hello my lovely amiga Nur, I have missed you too!!! No worries my dear, I know to well how life can get, especially in these crazy collective times we live in… it’s just wonderful whenever I hear from you gorgeous! Sincerely 💓💓💓 I hope you are well and send you tons of love and sparkly tree hugger vibes. Talk soon/ whenever resonates my lovely. I treasure you! 💓 Hugs
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